More Reviews of The Son I Knew Too Late: A Guide to Help You Survive and Thrive
I read The Son I Knew Too Late in a day because I couldn’t put it down. The author’s style is compelling and the story makes the reader want to keep going to see the pieces put together that led to this tragedy. The book uses Erikson’s Stages of Life as a structure for events in Jon’s life and how his life experiences compared with the challenges and expectations of each stage Erikson explains.
She begins with birth and takes us through the ups and downs of Jon’s life until age 23 when it ended. She relates what happened at different stages and how people’s behavior or communication may have impacted Jon unfavorably. She compares this with how situations might have been handled differently. She is brutally honest about her own shortcomings as well as those of other people. The author is now a practicing family therapist so she has many insights she did not have when she was a homemaker with two young sons and no degrees. She explains in the book’s final chapters that she wrote it to honor her son and to help parents and other people working with kids avoid a tragedy like she’s had to endure. The combination of Erikson’s framework and her experience as a therapist provide a worthwhile tool. I recommend this book to anyone with a child or who works with children. It is excellent.”
~ Lois M., M.Ed., Special Ed Educator.
I just finished your book. I just want to thank and congratulate you for the great work you have done. I felt very sad hearing Jon’s story, but after reflecting on all what you have done because of it, it made me realize that Jon’s life wasn’t lost or wasted. I am sure that he is very proud of you. I am honored to know you. God bless you.”
~ Kaoutar X., Iran
Pediatricians offer new parents instructions in caring for the health and safety of their newborns. Now, Sally Raymond’s recently published book addresses the equally important care of children’s emotional strength and development. Her expertise is based on her own personal experience as a mother and a trained psychotherapist. She shares the wrenching story of joys and sorrows as she gradually gained insights and understanding of her child’s unspoken needs. She has designed a program for wise parental support to guide parents through every step of their child’s emotional growth. My family would have benefitted greatly from her wisdom had it been available when my children were small.”
~ Donna M.
I have not finished your book yet, but… what I’ve read so far is extremely well done. It’s readable, it’s personal, it’s informative. Congratulations! …The Amazon reviews put into words exactly what I could not begin to express. What kept coming to mind while reading was ‘There, but for the grace of God, go I.”
~ Martha M, Ph.D.
I finished your book yesterday. It took me a long time to get through. Jon’s story is hard and painful, although certainly not entirely. But it is really also your story about Jon, which is what I think made me go slow, for I thought of you at least as much as I did Jon… It is hard when you get down into the particulars, because you realize, wow, if maybe this thing didn’t happen, or happened just a little differently, or at a time that would have had a less unfavorable outcome, they wouldn’t have ended their lives. That inevitably leads to the situations in which I might have acted differently in ways that could have prevented someone’s death. There is no way to really avoid that, and yet somehow, you are called upon to make something better out of it. The pain can’t just hang out there. It needs to be worked on, so their life and your life can continue to bear fruit. Many people just run from this, which is not good.
What you have done with this book is really to show people there is this better way. Ways to change an outcome, or to give a tragic outcome a meaning that helps humanity. You will be given many thanks, some shared, others not. But your life will be continually enriched because of the way you are helping people deal with one of the most painful of life experiences.
Personally, your discussion of death and how the finiteness of life is the very inflection that gives life its meaning, its poignancy, its visceral essence (when it’s not cut short) is such an important perspective. We are around people, love people, but yet we are always alone, locked in our bodies and experience. But to have the opportunity to live long enough to not fear death, but be ready to embrace it, is to be fortunate even with all the s*t that comes along the way.
I commend you for your bravery, while knowing that this book was also something you had to do.”
~ Dr. Christopher M., Psychologist.
Are you leading a fulfilling life? Do you feel like you have unfulfilled emotional issues from the past? As parents, is it possible to guide our children to avoid emotional and psychological pitfalls? Sally A. Raymond invites readers to learn about our emotional and psychological development based on Dr. Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages of Human Development. Her motivation for writing this non-fiction book, “The Son I Knew Too Late”, was the troubled life of her firstborn, Jon.
According to Erikson, every person passes through the same developmental stages with a predictable “sequence of emotional challenges.” Our ability to confront and resolve the emotional crisis posed by each stage determines our ability to mature healthily. Any unresolved issues of a previous stage leave us vulnerable to problems in the future.
Jon witnessed domestic abuse when he was only two years old. When he was four, he was sexually molested. When his parents divorced, he believed he was “too bad a boy,” who caused his father to leave. How would these crises affect Jon emotionally and psychologically? How would they affect his future?
I enjoyed the book’s format a great deal. The author opened each chapter with an overview of Jon and what she remembered about him at each stage. She gave honest descriptions of how she and others responded to Jon’s development and crises. After explaining what to expect at each stage of growth, she explained Dr. Erikson’s description of the stage. This was followed by practical suggestions of activities and questions to apply either to yourself or your child. The author reflected on how she could have better handled Jon’s circumstances. Her honesty about how she believed she had succeeded or failed with her son astounded me. I think her honesty is what makes this book so compelling. She carried each concept from theory to reality by sharing her family history.
Parents begin the process of raising their progeny with high hopes. It doesn’t take long for the question to arise, “What do I do?” Sally Raymond’s book will guide parents through these moments of uncertainty. Adults can also benefit from acquainting themselves with Erikson’s stages for emotional health. “When we use Erikson’s chart to look back on our lives, it gives us the keys to begin to heal our past and reshape our future.” (p.12).
Sally included a helpful list of organizations to contact should the reader detect disturbing characteristics in a friend or loved one. These professionals specialize in the areas of depression, shoplifting, runaways, suicide, bullying, among others. There is also a list of suggested books for different age groups.
I rate this book 4 out of 4 stars. I couldn’t find anything to dislike about this book. The author’s candid interpretation of each stage, the relatable illustrations from her family life, and the relatively few errors I found made this a pleasant and educative read. Parents, educators, and counselors would benefit from this book to help children achieve emotional and psychological success at each stage. Adults, in general, could use knowledge of the eight stages to heal past wounds and live a fulfilling and satisfying life.”
~ Professional Review, K. D. S., OnlineBookClub.org
Rating: 5 out of 5 stars. As a parent, you try to do the best you can for your child or children. But what happens when everything that seems to be going right for your child appears to go all wrong? In this heartfelt book,The Son I Knew Too Late: A Guide to Help You Survive and Thrive, author, marriage and family therapist, and mother, Sally A. Raymond, begins to uncover the truth behind the life of her son. The reader will be taken on a journey with the author as she explores and unfolds the various events and accounts that led to her young son’s suicide. As parents, we don’t always know what is going on with our child or children, but it’s important to help them through their own journey of self-discovery. As Sally looks back, she looks for clues into what led to her son’s death. To help her navigate through the healing process and help her better understand what happened, she used developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst Erik Homburger Erikson’s Eight Stages of Human Development (aka Psychosocial Development). Through this path, Sally was able to see that her son was experiencing his own identity crisis as Erikson points out.
If you’re a parent, The Son I Knew Too Late is a must because it will provide you with the tools and resources to walk with your child through their lives while not being judgmental but loving and accepting. I enjoyed this book especially because, due to people being sheltered in place, individuals are suffering in many ways–from hunger to domestic violence to suicide.
This book is about life and humanity that offers healing not only for Sally but for those that read this book. By seeking the answers to her questions, it allowed her to better understand the various stages of life. How can you help and provide support for your children if you lack full understanding? In this book, there is a Survival Guide at your fingertips, with hotline phone numbers, how to deal with someone in crisis, and warning signs of suicide.”
~ Professional Review, Vernita N., Readers’ Favorite.
This book is written with heart, soul and professional perspective, and is very powerful. It documents the author’s personal quest to find out why her son felt so desperate (as to commit suicide) and uses the work of Erikson to add lifespan perspective. I am forwarding an announcement of this book throughout the City College campus with regard to Suicide Prevention Week. I also plan on taking advantage of this timing to share it with other student health counselors, and indicate they could contact the author for any follow-up, and ask if there are any initiatives appropriate for her to participate in. I am sharing it in hopes it might get into the hands of educators, families… where it might do some good. I know the author would be happy to talk or share in any initiatives “whenever”. She is a passionate and an accredited Toastmaster speaker. Already I understand there are copies in our local voluntary psych unit, where staff are taking the books home to read while patients also read them.”
~ Valerie E., M.A., LMFT, College Career Advisor.
Your book arrived in the mail yesterday. I thumbed through it and feel stunned at your beautiful writing. So raw and loving. Can’t wait to read it word for word. Just wanted to congratulate you on this wonderful achievement. It will help so many others who have also experienced such a difficult loss.”
~ Nancy V., R.N.
The Son I Knew Too Late by Sally Raymond took almost 30 years to write. It was both a painful and revelatory journey for this courageous author, to remember and to relate her son Jon’s upbringing in order to fully understand what led up to this tragic suicide at the young age of 23. Her book is a moving and inspirational guide for all parents to facilitate their children’s passage from childhood to adulthood so that their offspring might thrive throughout their lives. Her loving account of her son’s life up to his death is the emotional background which enables parents as well as other family members, teachers, and caregivers to clearly grasp and appreciate the psychosocial challenges children face growing up, as she clearly outlines in her easy-to-follow expose of Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages of Human Development. More than a guide to suicide prevention and parenting skills, Sally speaks to our hearts. As a psychotherapist, Sally has dedicated her career to helping young people believe in themselves and go beyond their perceived limitations. The Son I Knew Too Late sensitizes us to our children’s struggles, whether hidden or in plain sight, and teaches us how to reach them before it’s too late. Furthermore, it calls us as adults to think about our own developmental stages, both those we may have conquered and those which remain to be overcome, in order to live our lives as fully and consciously as possible. It’s brilliant, touching, informative and essential. Yes, it should be required reading for everyone!” A must read!”
~ Deborah D., M.A., M.S., LMFT.
I haven’t finished it but it’s really good. Not only is the story compelling, but the hands-on application is really remarkable. I don’t believe there is anything like it on the market and am so excited that this resource is available. I keep thinking of my own life and the issues at every age. I want to read it over so I can really consider every stage and my inner little girl, and consider it in the light of Erikson’s stages. It’s something I really want to study. I think the first step is to examine my first stage and map it out. There is a lot of work here, and I really feel like that is something I deserve to do. This is a book I will super-consciously read. There is so much here with respect to my little girl within.”
~ Jayne L., M.A., Children’s Librarian.
Here’s my succinct comments about your magnum opus. Keep in mind that I read it a year ago, … so some details may have flown away. 1. Your book has lots of very important info for everyone generally, and more specifically for people who know someone who’s at risk (depressed, etc.). I’m glad you chose to aim it more at a general audience and didn’t instead focus on clinical suicide-related studies. 2. the storyline format made it easy to read, not like a textbook. 3. I’m very glad you emphasized the underlying emotional causes that lead to all sorts of problems. This is the most important piece for me: you touch upon the emotional dynamics that most of society still hasn’t figured out or given importance to. 5. It must feel like the culmination of a life’s mission for you! Congratulations again on making it to the finish line—and in so doing, making the world a better place—by distributing and explaining tools of self-awareness and self-knowledge. Peace.
~ Rich M., B.S., Book Editor, Speaking Coach and Professional Astrologist.